Sunday, May 07, 2006

Laugh along with IT

Funny C declarations!
register voters;
static electricity;
short circuit;
double entendre;
double trouble;
short pants;
void check;
unsigned check;

#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"
#infndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "bastard.h"
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables */
/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
* library sometime soon.
struct genitals
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;

men() {
goto pub;
return pissed;

women() {
goto bathroom;
bathroom: while (1) ;

Brainfuck is a real computer programming language
for challenge and amuse programmers, not for practical use.

What is :
Thought Processor: An electronic version of the
intended outline procedure that thinking people
instantly abandon upon graduation from high school.

Advanced User: A person who has managed to remove
a computer from its packing materials.

Multitasking: A clever method of simultaneously
slowing down the multitude of computer programs
that insist on running too fast.

Spreadsheet: A program that gives the user quick
and easy access to a wide variety of highly detailed
reports based on highly inaccurate assumptions.

You Might Be A Programmer If:
1. You immediately complain that this should
be subscripted as zero.

2. Most people say "Go To Hell," but you tell people
to redirect to/dev/null.

3. By the time you've gotten here in the document,
you've run Tidyor a similar app to check my X/HTML skills.

4. The statement (0x2b!0x2b) makes sense to you.

5. You find 4 funny.

6. You note with disgust that it always
evaluates to true, since0x2b != 0.

7. Point 6 disgusts you, because under other languages
than C++(Java, per se), it would throw an exception,
runtime error, etc.

8. Both points 6 and 7 disgust you,
because (0x2b!0x2b) isn't a statement.

9. You wonder why there's so much religious debate.
After all,can't they just type man life?

10. When you think of Blowfish, the stuff described
on www.blowfish.comhas no relation to what
comes to mind.

11. You can write formal grammar statements for C, C++,
C#, Java,Perl, Python, PHP, HTML, any XML schema,
StarMath, and just about anything else I could throw at you,
and yet the question, "Is our children learning?"raises no red flags.

12.You quit drinking coffee; caffeine I/Vs are easier.

13.Your root@localhost password is the chemical formula for caffeine.

14.You didn't know that there was a war in Iraq:
too busy preparingfor the next gcc compiler release.

15.You wrote the GPL.


QUESTION: Where do the characters go when
I use my backspace or delete them
on my computer?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places,
depending on whom you ask:
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the
(Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor,
who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds,
drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only
on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete
them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

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